People are sculpted by friends around them during their growing phase, they are like some sort of mould. They mould one into the person that they will become.
I already am the person I am now. Do I still need friends to mould me?
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Friend
After the listening to Min Hui on the bus, I now think that it does not mean the more you know a person, the better a friend the person is to you.
Often it when you want to give a person his/her status of being your own good friend before you will go and understand him/her more. This status of being another person's good friend is not up to you to earn, but rather for that other person to bestow to you. It is a gift.
I just get this feeling that a lot of friendships are like that. Think about it, analyse it. Why is there so much logical thinking involved in something that functions using emotion. There are so much external conditions and judging involved.
After Yang Mu Shi's sermon about friend (Proverbs) on Sunday, it then dawned onto me that being a friend that was described in his sermon is very easy. Very biblical, very easy. But being that 'friend' that your friend expects you to be, that is not so easy. Being someone that the person wants you to be, is not the image of friend that I think that Proverbs (or Yang Mu Shi) is talking about.
Often it when you want to give a person his/her status of being your own good friend before you will go and understand him/her more. This status of being another person's good friend is not up to you to earn, but rather for that other person to bestow to you. It is a gift.
I just get this feeling that a lot of friendships are like that. Think about it, analyse it. Why is there so much logical thinking involved in something that functions using emotion. There are so much external conditions and judging involved.
After Yang Mu Shi's sermon about friend (Proverbs) on Sunday, it then dawned onto me that being a friend that was described in his sermon is very easy. Very biblical, very easy. But being that 'friend' that your friend expects you to be, that is not so easy. Being someone that the person wants you to be, is not the image of friend that I think that Proverbs (or Yang Mu Shi) is talking about.
Monday, March 12, 2007
3rd time
I actually blew my top again for the 3rd time that I can remember. That's today.
The 1st time was at my Grandmother over some eating habits.
The 2nd time was at my sister over some disagreement.
Just now was the 3rd time.
I was transfered to Tan Tock Seng Hospital's Kopitiam foodcourt from Tampines's branch. I was very unwilling. Due to many factors.
When I started to work, I told myself that I will try to adapt. But all the things happening there are those that irritates me the most. All together. Handling cash, cannot have a mind of my own, no communication. I cannot expect myself follow commands that was barked at me, without knowing if I'm doing the correct thing; without knowing if I'm serving the correct beverage to the correct customer, because the other lady works like she is a separated limb from the 'team'. She just carry on asking the next person on the queue and prepare the drinks way too advance and then just ask me to serve and collect the money. I function this way: I must know that I am doing hte correct thing before I do it, or else I will feel very bad about the whole thing.
I excused myself when there was a one second break to go to the toilet. The queue is endless and it never seems to stop. I had to excuse myself when I spotted a break in the queue. In the toilet cubicle, I asked myself, why do I have to torture myself staying here? And then I started to unbutton my uniform. I marched out of the toilet towards the lift. I wanted to go visit my grandmother. When I reached the ward, I saw my grandmother, my mother, my uncle and my aunt. I had this thought, a very dramatic scene where you can only see in the shows. I could not control myself then and I threw that piece of uniform on the floor and I try to yell softly (because it is a hospital, and because it's been a long time I got so angry that I forgot how to shout) "I'm not working anymore!" in Chinese (wo bu yao zhuo le!). I proceeded to sit down next to my grandmother's bed. My uncle was the first to respond saying that I cannot lose my cool like that, what more there are patients here and the might be frightened. Then my mother said," since you don't like then stop working." And that was the thing I was deciding to do. I think walked straight in tot he office and told the manager that I want to quit in a very cold manner. I can see that she was very shocked by my actions and she was quite dumbfounded as she did not know how to respond. Her reply was that I need to give a 3 days in advance notice of termination of work. I answered immediately," today is the 1st day." Her idea was that I finished my work for the day before leaving, then I told her that I was sick ( i really felt so) and I have to go for an MC that day (which I did not in the end). Later she asked the OE to let me sign the termination form, I hesitated for awhile, and told her that I have to make a call. I called Min Hui to get Gina's number which then she told me that the branch manager is the one who plans the duty roster and for shopping malls, it is very hard to cater to our need to be excused from the weekends. That was one of the reasons that i was being transfered to TTSH branch. Thus I've got a proposal to work on Saturday morning. Gina told me to call the Tampines branch manager and tell him about it. I called. In the end we were transfered back to Tampines branch and I was not quitting the job yet.
The TTSH manager then talked to me about this thing, saying that she understood that us young people might get a bit impulsive (like me, but it worked) because for a lot of young people are educated and it is not the best job to be a shop assistant. She thought that people like us are more suitable to work in the administrative side instead. I agreed with her. We had a little small talk and that cooled me off a bit. I asked her about the other branches' people and the MD.
I returned to the ward. I thought to myself: I should have felt better after letting off some steam, but it did not. I would have if I'm not a Christian, but I not sure if I would have enjoyed the moment as a Christian.
The 1st time was at my Grandmother over some eating habits.
The 2nd time was at my sister over some disagreement.
Just now was the 3rd time.
I was transfered to Tan Tock Seng Hospital's Kopitiam foodcourt from Tampines's branch. I was very unwilling. Due to many factors.
When I started to work, I told myself that I will try to adapt. But all the things happening there are those that irritates me the most. All together. Handling cash, cannot have a mind of my own, no communication. I cannot expect myself follow commands that was barked at me, without knowing if I'm doing the correct thing; without knowing if I'm serving the correct beverage to the correct customer, because the other lady works like she is a separated limb from the 'team'. She just carry on asking the next person on the queue and prepare the drinks way too advance and then just ask me to serve and collect the money. I function this way: I must know that I am doing hte correct thing before I do it, or else I will feel very bad about the whole thing.
I excused myself when there was a one second break to go to the toilet. The queue is endless and it never seems to stop. I had to excuse myself when I spotted a break in the queue. In the toilet cubicle, I asked myself, why do I have to torture myself staying here? And then I started to unbutton my uniform. I marched out of the toilet towards the lift. I wanted to go visit my grandmother. When I reached the ward, I saw my grandmother, my mother, my uncle and my aunt. I had this thought, a very dramatic scene where you can only see in the shows. I could not control myself then and I threw that piece of uniform on the floor and I try to yell softly (because it is a hospital, and because it's been a long time I got so angry that I forgot how to shout) "I'm not working anymore!" in Chinese (wo bu yao zhuo le!). I proceeded to sit down next to my grandmother's bed. My uncle was the first to respond saying that I cannot lose my cool like that, what more there are patients here and the might be frightened. Then my mother said," since you don't like then stop working." And that was the thing I was deciding to do. I think walked straight in tot he office and told the manager that I want to quit in a very cold manner. I can see that she was very shocked by my actions and she was quite dumbfounded as she did not know how to respond. Her reply was that I need to give a 3 days in advance notice of termination of work. I answered immediately," today is the 1st day." Her idea was that I finished my work for the day before leaving, then I told her that I was sick ( i really felt so) and I have to go for an MC that day (which I did not in the end). Later she asked the OE to let me sign the termination form, I hesitated for awhile, and told her that I have to make a call. I called Min Hui to get Gina's number which then she told me that the branch manager is the one who plans the duty roster and for shopping malls, it is very hard to cater to our need to be excused from the weekends. That was one of the reasons that i was being transfered to TTSH branch. Thus I've got a proposal to work on Saturday morning. Gina told me to call the Tampines branch manager and tell him about it. I called. In the end we were transfered back to Tampines branch and I was not quitting the job yet.
The TTSH manager then talked to me about this thing, saying that she understood that us young people might get a bit impulsive (like me, but it worked) because for a lot of young people are educated and it is not the best job to be a shop assistant. She thought that people like us are more suitable to work in the administrative side instead. I agreed with her. We had a little small talk and that cooled me off a bit. I asked her about the other branches' people and the MD.
I returned to the ward. I thought to myself: I should have felt better after letting off some steam, but it did not. I would have if I'm not a Christian, but I not sure if I would have enjoyed the moment as a Christian.
Monday, March 05, 2007
growl
Too painful to stay awake.
Too hard to fall asleep.
Help me.
That was what I was feeling for the past 4 days.
Too hard to fall asleep.
Help me.
That was what I was feeling for the past 4 days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)